Meaningful gifts for parents who have everything

When your mom or dad says "Don't get me anything," they usually mean it. Their cupboards are full, they may be downsizing, and another sweater will end up in the closet with the last one.

What they rarely have enough of is time with you, help with the things that have become hard, and someone asking about their life. The ideas below lean that way. None of them are ads, and most cost little or nothing.

What "has everything" usually means

Parents who "have everything" are often telling you one of three things:

• They don't want clutter. Many people over 60 are trying to own less, not more.
• They can buy what they need. A gift that's only useful duplicates what they'd get themselves.
• They want you, not a package. Ask almost any grandparent what they'd like, and the answer involves seeing the family.

So the best gifts usually take up time instead of space.

Gifts of time

1. A standing weekly call or visit

Pick a day and time, put it in both calendars, and keep it. "Sunday at 4, every week" means more than a big present once a year, because they can count on it. If you live far away, a video call the grandchildren join counts.

2. A day of help

Give them a card for a day of your time, with a few examples written on it: setting up the new phone, cleaning the gutters, sorting the garage, going through paperwork, planting the spring garden. Then put a date on it before you leave, or it won't happen.

3. A recorded message from everyone

Ask each child, grandchild and old friend to record 30 to 60 seconds on their phone: a memory, a thank-you, something they've never said. Put the clips together into one video, or simply send them as a set. It costs nothing and gets replayed for years.

4. A letter, or a list of reasons

Write the letter you'd want them to keep: what they taught you, a day you remember, what you see of them in your own children. For a milestone birthday, a list of "80 things we love about you," collected from the whole family, works the same way.

Gifts that keep their stories

5. Digitize the old photos, slides and home movies

Boxes of slides and VHS tapes fade and break. Having them scanned or transferred protects them and lets the whole family see them. Better still, sit with your parent while you go through the results and ask about each one. Our guide to old family photos covers how to scan and label them.

6. An invitation to tell their life story

Most parents have stories their children have never heard, and they rarely get asked. You can give them a way to tell them.

With Biographer, you send a free invitation by email with a personal note and up to three stories you hope to hear, like how they met or the house they grew up in. Biographer then interviews them by voice or text, whenever they like, asks follow-up questions, and writes each story for them. They decide what to share with you. You can also pay $129 for their printed hardcover, which they order whenever they're ready. Send an invitation.

If you'd rather do it yourself, sit down with a phone recorder and these questions to ask your parents and grandparents. Either way, the gift is that someone wants to hear it.

7. A family recipe book from their own cards

Collect their handwritten recipe cards, scan or photograph them, and have them printed as a book, with a line or two about when each dish was made. Cook one together on the day you give it.

Experiences, at their pace

8. A trip back to where they grew up

Drive them to their old neighborhood, school or church, or the town their parents came from. Stories come out naturally in the places they happened. Bring a phone to record what they say.

9. A membership, and a promise to go together

A year at a local museum, botanical garden, zoo or symphony gives them outings all year. Add a note with the first date you'll go together, so it isn't one more card in the wallet.

10. A class they'd enjoy

Painting, pottery, a cooking class, chair yoga, a history lecture series at the library or community college. For a parent who doesn't get out much, online lectures and courses work from the armchair.

Gifts for elderly parents

For a parent in their late 70s, 80s or 90s, think about what makes a day easier or more comfortable. Give these with care, as a treat rather than a hint.

11. Comfort and independence

• A soft heated throw or a good reading lamp
• Non-slip slippers that are easy to put on
• A jar opener, a reacher-grabber, or a remote with large buttons
• A large-print edition of a book they love, or an audiobook player set up and ready
• Grocery or meal delivery, or a regular cleaning visit

Consumables are kind too: their favorite coffee, tea or chocolates, delivered every month. Nothing to store or dust.

12. A shared digital photo frame

A frame connected to the internet lets the whole family send photos to it from their phones. Set it up before you give it, so all they have to do is plug it in. New pictures of the grandchildren appear without anyone visiting.

For a parent whose memory is slipping

When a parent is living with memory loss, familiar things matter more than new ones. The Alzheimer Society of Canada suggests gifts like photo albums, music and simple activities.

13. A photo album with names written underneath

Choose photos from across their life, and write who is in each one and where it was taken. It helps them, and it helps visitors and caregivers start a conversation.

14. The music of their teens and twenties

Make a playlist of the songs they danced to and the singers they loved, on a simple player with big buttons or a smart speaker you've set up. Music often reaches people when other memories are hard to find.

15. Your voice, and the family's

Recordings of family members saying hello, reading a favorite poem, or telling a short story can be comforting to play. If they can still tell their own stories, record them now. Those recordings become precious later.

Gifts for grandparents who have everything

Almost everything above works for grandparents, with the grandchildren at the center:

• A video or letter from each grandchild
• A day out with the grandchildren, planned and paid for by the parents
• A book of questions the grandchildren want to ask them, with space for the answers
• An invitation to tell their life story, with the grandchildren's questions as the first three stories

For more ideas, see how to share family stories with your grandchildren.

Milestone birthdays: 70th, 80th, 90th

A big birthday is the time for gifts that gather people:

• Letters, photos or video messages collected from everyone who loves them
• A party built around their stories, with old photos on the tables and a few people invited to share a memory
• A trip to a place that matters to them
• Their life story, started as a gift and finished at their own pace

Planning for Christmas

If you're giving something that has to be made, like a recipe book, a photo album or digitized slides, order early. Scanning services and printers get busy from November.

A life story takes longer than a few weeks, so give the start of it. A Biographer invitation arrives by email, so it also works as a last-minute gift: print the note and put it in a card, and their stories follow in the new year.