How to share family stories with your grandchildren

Tell grandchildren short, specific stories, one at a time: the time you got lost at the county fair, the dog that ate a whole birthday cake. You don't need to sit them down for your life story. Match each story to their age, and tell the favorites again when they ask.

Then save a few in a form they can keep, like a card, a recording of your voice or a written story they can reread when they're older.

Match the story to their age

Choose stories a child can connect to their own life, and keep them shorter for younger children. The ages below are rough guides.

Young children, about 3 to 7

Keep it to a few minutes, with one problem and how it turned out.

• When you were their age: your first day of school, the bike you learned to ride, your best friend.
• Pets and animals: the dog that followed you to school, the chickens you had to feed.
• Being in trouble: what you did, how you got caught and what happened next.

When I was six, I wanted a puppy so badly that I hid a stray dog in our garage for three days. On the third night it barked all through supper. My father went out to look, came back in, and said, "Well, he'll need a name."

School-age children, about 8 to 12

• Adventures: the summer on your uncle's farm, the time the car broke down on the way to the lake.
• Mistakes, including ones that cost you something: the window you broke, the money you lost, the test you failed.
• How things worked back then: one TV with a handful of channels, phones with cords, what a candy bar cost. Ask how they would have managed.

Teenagers

• First jobs: what you did, what you earned and what you spent it on.
• First love, as much as you're comfortable telling.
• Hard choices: leaving home, a job you turned down, a time you stood up to someone.
• History they're studying that you lived through: where you were, what you saw on the news, what people around you said.

Tell teenagers the real version, including what went wrong.

My first job was bagging groceries on Saturdays. I saved for two months to buy a jacket I'd seen in a store window, and the same week I bought it, I left it on the bus. I never told my mother what happened to it.

Let an older grandchild interview you

Ask a teenage grandchild to interview you and record it on their phone. North Dakota State University Extension suggests having a grandchild help with recordings, since answering someone else's questions is usually easier for a grandparent. Their questions also show you what they want to hear about.

Give them a short list to start from, such as these life story questions, and let them follow up on whatever catches their attention. A teenager may ask things you wouldn't think to talk about on your own, like "What did you do on Friday nights?" or "What were you not allowed to do?"

Ways to share your stories

Tell stories in person when you can, and save some in a form they can keep.

• At the table, in the car, at bedtime. A short story fits into time you already spend together. Start with "Did I ever tell you about..." and keep it to a few minutes.
• Letters and cards. Put a short story in a birthday card: "When I turned ten, my present was a pocketknife, and I lost it the same afternoon."
• Video calls with a photo. Hold a photo up to the camera and tell the story behind it, or mail a copy first so they can hold it while you talk. Old family photos are a good place to find stories.
• A recording of your voice. Use the voice memo app on your phone and tell one story in a few minutes. Send it to their parents to play in the car or at bedtime.
• A written story they can keep and reread. Write it the way you'd tell it, print it, and add a photo. Keep the pages in a binder so you can add a new story each time you see them.
• An illustrated children's book. A family story, like the stray dog in the garage, can become a picture book for a young grandchild.
• A song. A story about a road trip, a first dance or the family farm can become a song to play in the car.

A recording can start as simply as this:

Hi Maya, it's Grandpa. It's Tuesday, March 3rd, and I'm sitting in the kitchen. I want to tell you about the time your mom tried to give our cat a bath.

If you'd like help with the last few, Biographer is a personal biographer you talk with by typing or speaking, in your web browser. It writes stories from your conversations, and a story can then become an illustrated children's book, an audio story read in a recreated copy of your own voice, or a song. Each shows its price before you make it. You can also share any story with a link.

For something longer that they can read when they're grown, such as what you hope for them, see how to write a legacy letter.

Tips that keep them listening

Tell stories about people they know, give them something to hold, and let them interrupt.

• Tell stories about their parents as children: the time their dad got his head stuck in the stair railing, what their mom wanted to be when she grew up. If a story would embarrass the parent, ask first.
• Tell them about family they never met, starting with one detail they can picture: "Your great-grandmother kept chickens in the backyard, right in the middle of the city, and named every one."
• Bring an object: the medal, the recipe card in your mother's handwriting, the key to the house you grew up in. Let them hold it while you talk.
• Invite questions, and ask some back: "What would you have done?"
• Tell the favorites again, the same way each time, so they learn them well enough to tell someone else.
• Stop while they're still interested, even if there's more to tell.
• Skip the lesson at the end. Let them decide what the story means.
• Keep a list of the stories they ask for most. Those are the first ones to write down or record.