The short answer
A legacy letter, also called an ethical will, is a letter to your family about what you value, what you learned and what you hope for them. It is not a legal document and does not replace a will. One to three pages is plenty. The simplest way to write one is to tell three or four short stories, say what each one taught you, then say what you hope for the people you're writing to.
On this page
A legacy letter is a letter to your children, grandchildren or anyone you love about what matters to you and what you hope for them. It doesn't need to be long or polished. Write it the way you would talk to them at the kitchen table.
What a legacy letter is, and what it isn't
A legacy letter passes on your values, not your property. It is not a legal document, and it does not replace a will.
Don't use it to say who gets what. If you mention money or belongings, make sure nothing in the letter contradicts your will, and ask the lawyer who drew up your will if you're not sure.
The older name, ethical will, comes from Jewish tradition, where these letters are called tzava'ot. My Jewish Learning traces them to the patriarch Jacob, who blessed his children near the end of his life, and notes that in the Middle Ages they were shared privately within families. One of the best known from that time was written by Judah ibn Tibbon, a Spanish Jewish physician and scholar, to his son Samuel.
Many people now call them legacy letters, and you don't need to belong to any faith to write one.
Who to write it to
Write to the people you most want to read it, and use their names.
- One letter to the whole family is the simplest.
- Separate letters let you say something particular to each child or grandchild. A paragraph each is enough.
- For a grandchild who is too young to read it now, seal it in an envelope marked with when to open it, like an 18th birthday or a wedding day, and tell someone where it is.
- You can also write to grandchildren or great-grandchildren you may never meet.
A letter is one way to pass things on. For others, see how to share family stories with your grandchildren.
What to put in it
Put in a few short stories that show what you value, then say what you learned, what you're grateful for and what you hope for them.
Stories that show your values
Tell a story instead of stating a rule. "Always be honest" is easy to read past. The time a cashier gave you an extra twenty dollars, and what your father said when you went back to return it, shows what honesty meant in your family.
Three or four stories are enough. Each one can be a single paragraph.
What you learned
Include a mistake and what it taught you, not only the things that went well. Say what you would do differently.
What you're grateful for
Name people and moments, like the neighbor who drove you to the hospital or the year your sister lent you the rent.
Things you want to say while you can
If you want to, say thank you, say you're sorry, or say that you forgive someone. Keep it short and kind. A letter the whole family will read is not the place to settle an argument.
What you hope for them
Be specific. "I hope you're happy" is fine, but "I hope you live near people who will bring you soup when you're sick" tells them what you mean.
What to leave out
Leave out lectures, instructions about who gets what, and old grievances. If something needs a longer conversation, write that you'd like to have it.
A simple outline
Use four parts: an opening, three or four short stories, your hopes for them, and a closing.
- Opening. Who you're writing to and why now, in a sentence or two: "I'm writing this on my 80th birthday because there are a few things I've never said out loud."
- Three or four short stories. One paragraph each, ending with a sentence about what it taught you.
- Your hopes for them. A few specific hopes, for each person if you like.
- Closing. Tell them you love them, sign your name, and date the letter.
Prompts to help you start
Answer a few of these in rough notes, then use the best answers in your letter. For more, see these life story questions.
- What did one of your parents do that you still think about when you make a hard choice?
- When were you honest and it cost you something?
- What mistake taught you something you still use?
- Who was kind to you when they didn't have to be, and what did they do?
- What did your hardest year teach you?
- Who do you want to thank by name, and for what?
- What do you want to apologize for, if anything?
- Who have you forgiven, or who do you want to forgive?
- What did your work teach you about people?
- What have you changed your mind about?
- What did you learn about money the hard way?
- What family habit do you hope they keep, like Sunday dinners or calling their cousins on birthdays?
- What do you see in each of them that makes you proud?
- What do you want them to do when life gets hard?
- Which person in the family's past do you want them to know about, and why?
- What do you believe, and how did you come to believe it?
- What would you tell them on their wedding day, or the day their first child is born?
- What did you love doing that they never saw you do?
An example legacy letter
This example was written for this page to show the shape. It is not a real person's letter, and yours should sound like you.
March 14, 2026
Dear Emma, Luke and Sam,
I'm writing this at the kitchen table on my 78th birthday. Your grandmother says I should put a few things on paper, so here they are.
When I was fourteen, I swept floors at Becker's Hardware. One Friday Mr. Becker paid me twice by mistake, and I kept the money for a week before I gave it back. He didn't fire me. He just said, "Took you long enough." When you get something wrong, go and say so, even if you're late.
In 1983 the plant closed and I was out of work for eleven months. Your grandmother took night shifts at the hospital, and we sold the boat. I was ashamed to be home in the daytime, so I didn't tell my friends. When I finally did, two of them found me work within a month. If you are ever in trouble, tell people sooner than I did.
My mother never had much money, but nobody left her house hungry. That is why we always set out extra chairs at Thanksgiving. I hope you keep doing that.
Sam, I'm sorry I missed so many of your games when I was working Saturdays. I should have said so years ago.
What I hope for all three of you: work you're not ashamed of, a friend who will tell you the truth, and someone to sit on the porch with in the evening. Call your mother. Visit your cousins, even when it's a long drive.
I'm proud of you. I don't say it enough.
Love, Grandpa
How long it should be, and handwritten or typed
One to three pages is plenty. If yours runs longer, cut the parts that sound like a speech.
Your handwriting is part of the letter, and your family will know it's yours. If your hands ache or your writing is hard to read, type it, or say it out loud and have someone type it, then sign it by hand. If you write it by hand, keep a typed copy too so it is easy to read later.
When to give it, and where to keep it
You can give it now, on a birthday or holiday, or keep it with your papers to be read later. AARP suggests sharing an ethical will during your lifetime, sooner rather than later, and giving it now means your family can ask you about it.
- Good times to give it include a milestone birthday, a holiday when everyone is together, a graduation, a wedding or the birth of a grandchild.
- Keep the original with your will and important papers, and tell your executor or a family member where it is.
- Give copies to the people it is written to, and keep a scan or a phone photo of each page.
- Read it again every year or two, or after a big change like a new grandchild. Add a page or write a new letter, and date each one.
If you'd rather tell the stories than write them
If the stories are the hard part, you can talk them through instead. Biographer is an AI interviewer and writer you use in a web browser on a phone, tablet or computer, by typing or speaking. Tell it about the times that shaped what you believe, and it asks follow-up questions and writes each one up as a story you can read and correct.
Then pick the stories you want to mention in your letter. Every story also goes into The Book, where you arrange the chapters and add a dedication, so you can write a few lines there to the people you're giving it to. For more on getting your stories down, see how to write your life story.
Common questions
What is the difference between a legacy letter and a will?
A will is a legal document that says who gets your property. A legacy letter, or ethical will, is a personal letter about your values, what you learned and what you hope for your family. It has no legal force, so don't use it to divide property, and make sure nothing in it contradicts your will.
What do you write in a letter to your grandchildren?
Tell them a few short stories from your life and what each one taught you, what you see in them, and what you hope for them. Specific details work better than general advice: the job you had at their age, what things cost, the day you met their grandmother or grandfather. Sign it and date it.
How long should a legacy letter be?
One to three pages is plenty, and one page is enough if it says what you mean. Three or four short stories, a few lines about what you hope for them and a closing will fill it.
When should I give a legacy letter to my family?
Whenever you're ready. You can give it now, on a birthday or holiday, at a graduation or wedding, or keep it with your will to be read later. Giving it while you're alive means your family can ask you about it.
Do I need to be a good writer to write a legacy letter?
No. Write it the way you would talk to them, in short sentences and plain words. If writing is hard for you, say it out loud and have someone type it, then read it over and sign it.
Are there examples of legacy letters I can read?
This page has a short example from a grandfather to his grandchildren. A well-known modern one is Barack Obama's open letter to his daughters, published in Parade in January 2009, in which he tells them what he wants for them and for every child in America. Read examples for ideas, then write yours in your own words.
